The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
