I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
