Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
