dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
