I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
