Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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