Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
In America we eat man semen.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Randomize
