oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so let's talk penis.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
