just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
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