I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
