As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
