would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
