THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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