bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
