someone get that fucking seahorse.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
