It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
