wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
