Moan for me like Helen Keller
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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