This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
