some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
