I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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