Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
