We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
