It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
