Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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