She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
