He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
