I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
