I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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