Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
