at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We are two peas in an std pod
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
