all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
