you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
