The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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