I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
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