youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
