I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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