Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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