she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
