The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
the gays at disneyland are vicious
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
