So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
