I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
