but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
