My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
