Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
