that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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