So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
