My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
