things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
