Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
